12dz Chapter 39 Sylvie's Memories
Chapter 39 Sylvie's Memories
"You need to control yourself."
I'm trying.
"This level of fear not only puts you in danger, but it also puts your future teammates in danger. If you can't control your emotions in battle, you're a burden, and that's dangerous."
'I know. I know it's dangerous, I know I'll be a burden, but I'm afraid. I'm afraid I can't do it.'
"Your performance is very poor right now."
'What do you know? What do you know about me? Do you think change is easy?'
"If you continue like this, you will only head towards defeat. In a real battle, there is no time for hesitation or fear. If you can't handle this situation, then you are simply not fit to be here."
'Why? Why are you saying this? Do you understand me? Do you know my situation?'
"If you are unwilling to face your weaknesses, then you should perhaps reconsider whether you want to stay at this college."
'Why? Why are you so cruel? What did I do wrong?'
These questions filled Sylvie's mind, and she hurriedly left the training ground.
She still remembers the look in Morse's eyes and the emotions in his words.
Why do you sound so sincere when you say such hurtful things? Why? Can't you see that these words have hurt me?
Sylvie couldn't understand.
Why? Why did he say such cruel things? Why did he remind me of those things? Why?
Just when she was about to forget those memories, about to get rid of those memories that had been haunting her...
Her ears began to sting, and the persistent tinnitus pressed against them relentlessly.
'Ah... those memories are coming back...'
The memories she tried so hard to suppress have now resurfaced.
She kept running until she reached a place where no one could see her.
This is the place she comes to whenever she wants to escape what's bothering her or take a break from the heavy workload at the academy.
"Huh...huh..."
As she collapsed onto the grass in the forest, she began to breathe heavily.
"Ha ha......"
No matter how deep she breathed, she felt as if her lungs were about to be crushed... her chest felt like it was tied in a knot...
Sylvie hugged her knees, holding them with all her might.
"Waaah!"
A soft rustling of leaves drifted by, and a low sob echoed through the academy grounds...
......
Not everyone's reaction to seeing their loved one in pain is one of revenge.
Everyone will react differently to this.
Sylvie was one of them.
Although Sylvie was a kind-hearted and helpful person, there was another reason why she felt this way and lived a selfless life.
This is related to a memory from her childhood.
She lived in a border city where development was underdeveloped. Her childhood was uneventful; like any ordinary person, she played with the neighborhood children.
Because she was very beautiful from a young age and always had a happy smile, most children were happy to play with her, and seeing other people's smiles made her happy too.
Her parents doted on her, and her brother always took care of her; their family was generally a happy one.
However, all of this changed one night.
It was a summer night, and she and her friends were playing together. Because it was too hot, they preferred to play at night rather than in the morning. They frolicked and laughed in the dimly lit streets, chasing each other.
But suddenly, a chilling atmosphere enveloped the entire block, shattering the joyful mood. In that instant, everything changed. The air turned icy, and laughter was replaced by screams of terror.
She still remembers the first words she heard.
"Ah...so delicious...human children are so delicious..."
It was a monstrous sound, chilling to the bone. It not only sent shivers down Sylvie's spine, but also instilled fear in the other children.
A demon emerged from the shadows, its terrifying form sending chills down the spines of all who beheld it. Its eyes gleamed with malice, and its twisted smile sent shivers down the spines of anyone who dared to look it in the eye.
This was a creature Sylvie had never seen before, yet it was a nightmare she could never escape. She knew it was her nightmare.
Chaos erupted as people fled in panic, but Sylvie stood frozen, her heart pounding in her chest. She watched helplessly as the devil's gaze locked onto her, a gaze filled with clear intent. Fear overwhelmed her senses, and everything around her blurred.
Will you become my prey?
She remembered the demon's terrifying, drooling mouth... its teeth looked incredibly sharp...
The demon slowly approached the girl, frozen in fear. She tried to move her body, but her mind went completely blank...
She tried to call for help, but no sound came out...
"Ah...humans..."
The deep voice kept ringing in her ears, making her tremble with fear as the demon drew closer step by step.
"stop!"
Just then, a figure appeared before her, standing firmly between her and the demon. It was Sylvie's brother, his eyes filled with determination, his posture unwavering. He held an ordinary sword, but the resolute look in his expression gave Sylvie, even in her fear, a sense of strength.
"Hiss... Get out of my way!"
Sylvie has always admired her brother because he is an Awakened. She also wants to fight like her brother and be as brave as him.
Her brother roared and charged at the demon, engaging it in a fierce battle. The clash of metal against claws echoed through the night, while Sylvie could only stand by, filled with awe and fear, her emotions churning in turmoil.
During the battle, her brother successfully defeated the demon, but as a price, he was also struck hard by the demon's claws and fell to the ground. Seeing her brother fall, injured and weak, Sylvie's heart sank to the bottom.
'How terrifying... The battle was terrifying...'
'But I want to help my brother...'
'It's all because of me... because of me... because of me... because of me...'
'I want to help him... but it's so scary... it's all because of me...'
Sylvie saw her brother finally defeat the demon, but he suffered a severe injury to his chest.
He lay on the ground writhing in pain, blood flowing continuously.
Sylvie blamed herself, feeling that it was all because of her.
But at the same time, she felt afraid, afraid of fighting.
The demon's sharp teeth never left her mind...
The demon's chilling voice kept echoing in my mind...
But she wanted to help her brother... she wanted to help those who sacrificed themselves for people like her...
She wanted to help because she was filled with guilt...
In the end, her brother successfully defeated the demon, but the memory of that night was deeply etched into Sylvie's mind. The image of her wounded brother constantly haunted her, reminding her of the helplessness she felt when facing his pain.
Her eyes filled with tears as she thought of her brother's sacrifices for her and her own helplessness at the time.
When Morse said he was going to attack her, she remembered how her brother looked back then.
"I hope I can be as strong as you, brother..."
She hugged her legs even tighter, tears streaming down her face.
Although she knew she might be a burden, she still believed she could do what she could...
However, why did Morse's words break her down so much? Why did she become so angry and run away from the training ground?
Why should I leave?
Sylvie asked herself, trying to figure out why. Was it because she saw herself in him? Was it because she felt a sense of shared suffering with him?
She didn't know. But one thing was clear: because I had been silently watching him, his words now had a greater impact on me than anyone else's.
"Is it because what he said is true that I'm in so much pain?"
For Sylvie, reading other people's emotions had become an unconscious reaction. So when she heard Morse's harsh words, she subconsciously checked his emotions.
He spoke earnestly, without any ulterior motive. This made me both sad and angry.
Because it means that his words came from the heart.
"it hurts......"
She felt betrayed.
The sense of companionship I once felt for him has vanished, replaced by a feeling of emptiness.
“Silvy”.
His voice echoed in his mind once again.
“Why did you do this?” she murmured softly. Sylvie didn’t want to hear his voice, nor did she want to recall the memories she had tried so hard to forget.
"Do you know what? If you continue like this, you'll never make any progress."
However, he could never erase his words from his mind.
“I don’t want to hear it, I don’t want to fight, just leave,” she whispered, trying to shake his voice from her mind.
But in the end, it was all in vain.
"You are running away from the past."
“No! You know nothing about me!” Sylvie shouted, her anger fueled by Morse’s voice.
Amidst a mix of anger and sorrow, tears began to stream down Sylvie's cheeks. She clenched her fists, her knuckles turning white from the force, her emotions threatening to overwhelm her. She found herself standing in a secluded corner of the academy, out of sight of others, pouring all her feelings into the air.
“You know nothing!” she cried, her voice trembling with anger and sorrow. “You don’t know what I’ve been through, or how hard I’ve tried to become strong. What right do you have to judge me?”
Her words were accusations against Morse's voice, even though he wasn't physically present; his voice haunted her like a ghost. Sylvie felt a powerful urge to defend herself, to make him understand the pain and struggle she was enduring.
“I am not a coward!” Sylvie’s voice trembled with sobs, her vision blurred by tears. “I have faced demons, I have seen people hurt, and I have done everything I could to help them. Just because I am not as strong as you does not mean I am weak.”
Sylvie angrily wiped away her tears, feeling frustrated by her own vulnerability and helpless at the emotions welling up inside her. A dull ache throbbed in her chest, her heart clenched with pain, and memories of her brother's injury and the countless tragedies she had witnessed replayed in her mind.
“You don’t understand what it feels like to see someone you care about get hurt and be completely powerless to do anything about it,” she whispered, her voice breaking with sobs. “You don’t know what that fear and helplessness is like. So, stop calling me a coward!”
Sylvie's shoulders trembled under the weight of her emotions, and tears streamed down her face without restraint. In this moment of vulnerability, she finally allowed herself to confront the pain, fear, and struggle.
"I know I'm weak... Waaah..."
And at that very moment, she took the first step toward change...
'Whoosh—'
Just as she finished speaking, a figure slowly moved from behind a tree, revealing the figure of a young man.
"Now that my debt is paid off, it's up to you how you change yourself."